About
A blog about the best things in life. Football, music, clothes, film, real ale.
Nero fiddles while Gordon Burns.
Others
Casual Connoisseur
One-upmanship
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Young Wilson
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SONS Records
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Two Hundred Percent
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Following
“Well I’m not really worried about this,
But could someone please answer me this,
Apart from on commentary,
Where else on Earth,
Can you hear the word ‘aplomb’ being used?”
Great songs about driving #2
Half Man Half Biscuit - M-6-Ster
Inside cover of Actung Bono by Half Man Half Biscuit.
Is your local paper more gullible than the one’s on Merseyside?
Exciting times! The new Half Man Half Biscuit LP, ‘90 Bisodol (Crimond)’, gets released on the 26th of September. Pre-order it from the Probe Plus Website.
I can’t wait for this to be released and will be in attendance at their Leamington Spa gig to hear the new songs first hand.
Check out one of the tracks, L’Enfer C’est Les Autres, as performed on BBC 6 Music last year. Still as sardonic and hilarious as ever.
Half Man Half Biscuit live in Manchester, 2001.
Still need to see these live. Next year is the year!
Friday Night And The Gates Are Low - Half Man Half Biscuit
The ultimate football song. Sums up perfectly, the state of modern football and even fits in the obligatory obscure Euro football team that HMHB are so famous for mentioning.
Lyrics:
When I had my loft
Converted back into a loft
The neighbours came around and scoffed
And called me retro
But they are the type
Who never used to go to the match
Until the family thing got big
In the late eighties
Dad’s a steward in the stand
Brace of comps in his hand
New men run a creche
While home defeats by Jeunesse D’Esch
In the Lux Familiar cup
Are rendered pointless
Stick a burger in my mouth
Shove a seat beneath my arse
Buy the shirt and shorts and socks
Win the keeper’s sweaty jocks
Point a gun down at your foot
Am I supposed to be at home?
Friday night and the gates are low
And it’s raining
Bastard slip of a sub’s ruined my weekend
So you came and went
‘Cos on crap three million was spent
And if Josh wants a five man tent
There must be forfeits
Star man said bye bye
And now you’re reaching for the Sky
Sit back relax and watch us die
Of entertainment
Fiancee said that it was fun
Even though the others won
I can’t stand any more
‘Cos I can’t stand any more
You were blind but you will see
Tonight’s attendance one-two-three
Friday night and the gates are low
And it’s raining
Bastard slip of a sub’s ruined my weekend
Friday night and I just love complaining
And no I haven’t got anything better to do
The explanatory notes from the official Half Man Half Biscuit website (http://www.hmhb.co.uk)
Title from Abba’s “Dancing Queen” “…and the lights are low”, perhaps also referring to HMHB’s favourite footy side, Tranmere Rovers, who used to play on Friday nights, and are about to resume doing so again.
“attendance 1, 2, 3…” Reference to the notoriously low gates at Tranmere Rovers home games.
Jeunesse D’Esch Totally useless Euro footy side, who regularly got knocked out in the 1st round, especially in the 70’s and (poss) 80’s. Luxembourgoise.
Lux Soap made by Lever Bros in Port Sunlight, which a few miles south of Birkenhead. Also, abbreviation for Luxembourg. However, it’s more likely to be…
“Looks Familiar” Cup Looks Familiar was a 70s/early 80s TV show with Denis Norden and a load of wrinkled ex-music hall troupers talking about the golden days of variety. Usually seen only if you bunked off school. :)
“burger in mouth” You don’t just get the pies at the match these days. I’m told that the stench of frying clumps of gristle over Prenton Park is not one best things in life.
Reach for the Sky, Starman are films. But that’s probably just a coincidence.
Best guitar ever.
For those people not in the know, this is Nigel, lead singer of Half Man Half Biscuit, a indie/post-punk act from the land of Scouse who had minor success in the late 80s, with singles such as The Trumpton Riots, which showcased Nigel’s wonderfully witty and often surreal lyrics to a mass audience. Nowadays they’ve got more of a cult following with the lyrics turning to things like the misery of modern life and the current music scene instead of obscure references to sport personalities and TV shows. Their records are always released through the same label, Probe Plus, which has been active for as long as the band have. They also had some acknowledgement with the surprise success of 2005’s Achtung Bono which contained a song known as Joy Division Oven Gloves which deals with the subject of band merchandise. And that’s what I’ll be posting after this, enjoy!
Part 2 of Half Man Half Biscuit on the Andy Kershaw show a few years ago. Listen out for Kershaw pissing himself laughing when they play 24 Hour Garage People.
My Uncle Charlie is a cynical man
And his wife’s a touch sceptical too
They’ve got one of those stickers in the back of their van
It says “We’ve seen the prices at the zoo”
Well today I knocked upon their door and said that I was passing
And Charlie launched a scathing attack
When I asked him what I’d done, he said
“You stupid bastard, we live in a cul-de-sac”
Went to Dali’s party, it was fancy dress
I just stuck an apple in my face
I saw a chap who obviously was out to impress
Reckoned he’d beat Gagarin into space
He said “Hi there Salv
Like I’m sorry I’m late
But I was getting done up
As a Mogul Thrash acetate”
Me, I got bored
So I went home
Got into bed
And came to the conclusion…
There is nothing better in life
Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro
There is nothing better in life
Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro
There is nothing better in life
Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro
There is nothing better in life
Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro
On a Saturday night instead of going to the pub
The Best Things In Life - Half Man Half Biscuit
http://www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/back-again-in-the-dhss/the-best-things-in-life/
